# The brownie point system



## Dot3 (Jul 30, 2020)

Anybody ever notice that it takes a lot of effort just to stay at a zero balance on the brownie point scale? It's a lot like treading water. If you do nothing, you sink. If you do the bare minimum, you float, but you get nowhere. It takes some real locomotion to get out of the hole. I wish it was more like a savings account. The balance only changes when there is a transaction. Not when you're going for brownie points! Forget about saving them up! They can either go away fast or REAL fast if you do nothing or, heaven forbid, the wrong thing!

I try to do a lot of the cooking and keep the house in decent shape. I have the time because I work swing shift (should probably get back to it now) My wife also loves to ride horses, so I make sure to facilitate her going whenever she wants. Just bought her one a few months ago. In turn, I get a point here and there and she lets me kill off all our grass just to plant more grass. LOL. And I hunt a lot, too. The kids are getting easier (2 and 4) but are still completely dependent on us. So I make sure she gets some time to herself when I can. Swing shift is rough on a spouse, so I'm told.

What are some strategies y'all have implemented to try to stay ahead of the game? And perhaps more importantly, what do you do when you fall behind?!?!


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## Babaganoosh (Apr 21, 2019)

Pay others to handle your low value or time consuming chores and errands.

Build a lifestyle that is lower maintenance. This can mean anything from strategically spraying roundup along a fence line in order to not have to line trim or utilize your banks bill pay service. Or if you don't like that set your utility bills to auto pay.

My gf hates food shopping with a passion. Most local supermarkets have a delivery program. I wouldn't let her be that lazy, but they also have a program where they shop for it all and you go pick it all up by appointment for a small fee. So last year I pushed her to do that. She easily adds stuff to the list thru her phone and then places the order. The next day she just swings by after work and picks it all up. Pickup takes 5 minutes.

Little things like that save us a lot of time. We both own houses and are renting hers out. This year we are paying someone to do leaf clean up at her house. It's not worth our time to do it.

Don't forget to smell the roses once in awhile.


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## BobLovesGrass (Jun 13, 2020)

We are 20 years married with 9/11yo kids.

The following is just my opinion based on my experience being married to one woman.

The "points" system sucks you can never win or accumulate and engaging in it will just lead to ever rising minimum expectations of you, and diminishing returns. Break the cycle, live and love together and don't let things be so transactional, IMO that is poison for the reasons you already see.

Not going to say that sometimes there isn't a transaction, just make sure that is the exception not the rule.


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## Dot3 (Jul 30, 2020)

BobLovesGrass said:


> We are 20 years married with 9/11yo kids.
> 
> The following is just my opinion based on my experience being married to one woman.
> 
> ...


That is GREAT advice, and some that can be valued based on the 20 years of capital y'all have put into your marriage.

Just to clear the air, it was tongue in cheek observation of how idleness is a quick way to an unhappy marriage. My wife and I have our spats, not unlike any other couple, but we are on solid ground to be sure. A big part of being there is doing exactly as you describe-not viewing our day-to-day as transactional, but as things to do to make life just a little easier for the one you love.


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## mowww (Jan 16, 2018)

As @Dot3 said, try to break the transactional mindset. If you're struggling with that and in your mind it boils down to having a 50/50 effort balance with your S/O, switch it up to a 75/75 balance and communicate what you're trying to do with your S/O. If you both buy into that, you'll both grow more appreciative of each other over time.


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## bradleymichael (Jun 3, 2020)

BobLovesGrass said:


> We are 20 years married with 9/11yo kids.
> 
> The following is just my opinion based on my experience being married to one woman.
> 
> ...


Surely you mean 9 and 11 year old kids and not 9 11 year old kids... LOL


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## BobLovesGrass (Jun 13, 2020)

Yeah got carried away with shorthand.

On topic I think it can get a little easier as kids get older, at 9 and 11 we can now go for a walk and leave them home alone and spend a few minutes together. House is on a cul-de-sac and we are at the bottom end so no concerns about anyone showing up while we are gone. We don't have any close family to leave the kids with or anything so little bits of time are really all we get.

I am sure as the girlS, as in both get to be teens they will cause us more distress again. Wish me luck, wife is older than I and I am starring down the barrel of menopause and puberty at the same time.


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## dfw_pilot (Jan 28, 2017)

BobLovesGrass said:


> Wish me luck, wife is older than I and I am starring down the barrel of menopause and puberty at the same time.


Indeed. Sending you prayers.


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