# She just don't understand



## Topcat (Mar 21, 2017)

Just a typical lawn conversation that I had with my wife over the last couple of days. This "lawn thing" has her dazed and confused.

Her: Anthony, you just cut the lawn yesterday, it looks great
Me: I need to clip it to keep it low to encourage growth
Her: You want it to grow, but you keep cutting it?
Me: I want lateral growth not vertical
Her: Wha - nevermind... Ugh

Her: Anthony the lawn looks great, why did you kill it by cutting it so short
Me: It's not dead, just scalped. I need to spread sand over it to get a nice level surface
Her: Hu'h? it looks level enough for me
Me: Naw, when I cut it, there are bumps in the ground that causes the mower to bounce and scalp
Her: Maybe try not cutting it every other day, you will not feel the bumps
Me: Then it will not look good
Her: Ugh

These conversations typically end with both of us laughing because I always tell her - you just can't see the end goal. And her response is typically - "you have issues"

She just doesn't understand the next level lawn that we will have this time next year.


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## Mightyquinn (Jan 31, 2017)

I use to have similar conversations with my wife TOG(touch of grass), she's a member here . Just try to explain things to her and once she see the lawn in all it's glory and you start getting compliments from the neighbors and people just passing by, I'm sure she will come around. TOG still gives me crap about it every now and then but she knows what I'm doing is only making the lawn look better :thumbup:

Just tell her that there are a lot worse hobbies out there that you could be doing :lol:


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## Redtenchu (Jan 28, 2017)

The first year, my wife was like Mrs. Topcat. Now she is like TOG, she loves it, just not enough to help me...


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## Colonel K0rn (Jul 4, 2017)

My wife has domain inside of the house, outside is my playground. The downside to that is I have to deal with the dog poo.


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## Mightyquinn (Jan 31, 2017)

Colonel K0rn said:


> The downside to that is I have to deal with the dog poo.


That's what kids are for :thumbup:


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## Ware (Jan 28, 2017)

Mightyquinn said:


> Colonel K0rn said:
> 
> 
> > The downside to that is I have to deal with the dog poo.
> ...


I'm hearing conflicting reports... :lol:



touchofgrass said:


> Which kids are you assuming? Ours? heck no... those bums didn't even wake up until about 11am or so and sat here in the AC all day... our 10 yo did fill up my water for me ONCE after I begged him and he came back, threw it at me and said, "No ice for you" and sure enough, there was no ice in it.


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## csbutler (Jun 15, 2017)

Last night

Me: I think I'm going to cut the grass real quick. I have time.

Wife: What? Why? You just cut it the other day. It doesn't even need it.

Me: Yes it does. (Mows tiny amount off the top)

Wife: See you barely cut any off the top.

Me: Nah looked like I hadn't cut it in forever.

Got a text this morning while at work "the yard looks great"

:lol: guess she's finally come around haha


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## wardconnor (Mar 25, 2017)

No matter when the turf was cut last...... It needs to be cut.


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## Topcat (Mar 21, 2017)

My wife really loves the lawn when it looks great, and she did not see the need to scalp and level, and was just a little ticked off when I scalped it last week, so as it started greening up, she tried to "protect" the lawn from me.

Most recent conversation:

Me: I really need to cut the lawn
Her: Yeah, the back really does need it, you don't need to do the front
Me: Oh, yes I do, it has to be trimmed up a little
Her: The grass is probably still wet, you do not need to cut it
Me: After scalping, then leveling, I need to raise the HOC a notch, and keep it tight so it greens up nice. The reel mower works okay on damp grass
Her: You are going to kill it again
Me: I did not kill it, and I am not going to scalp it.... trust me, I know what I am doing
Her: Riiiiight!


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## Redtenchu (Jan 28, 2017)

Lol


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## Topcat (Mar 21, 2017)

As I change into my lawn mowin' clothes this morning:

Her: You just could not go more than 2 days?
Me: Nope, gotta keep it tight
Her: (_shakes head as I head out to get started_)

Later that day as company was leaving and we were on the front porch seeing them off

Her: Wow, the lawn looks great
Me: It looks okay, but still thin in a few spots - but I will not say "told you so"
Her: Yeah, but it still looks the same as before
Me: Naw, it is flatter, and besides, it's only been a week since scalping and leveling... give it another 2 weeks.


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## ajmikola (Feb 18, 2017)

I just found this thread and ooooh have i needed it. Reading ya'lls conversations with your wives sounds JUST like me and my wife.

Her: honey, you just cut the grass 2 days ago, it looks beautiful, you're not about to go cut it again are you?
Me: (on my way out the door with my old clothes and shoes on , clearly going to cut the grass) i was thinking about it.........
Her: you know the neighbors think you're crazy right?
Me: and? Whats you're point?
Her: is there anyway you dont have to cut it as much?
Me: yes, its called pgr
Her: pgr? 
Me: yes, it stops vertical growth and encourages lateral growth, deeper roots and a denser canopy. 
Her: how much is it?
Me: well, its like 150$ a bottle but when you do the math its only like 10$ an application! Thats real savings baby, arent you proud of me!?
Her: go cut the grass........
Me: it could be worse, i could be a cocaine adddict.
Her: really? how much is cocaine? 
Me: thats really beside the point. Its just the guys on my forum recommended it and they really know thier stuff. Just wait honey, you'll see.
Her: uh huh.


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## Topcat (Mar 21, 2017)

Now that there is funny! Especially the reference to cocaine.


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## Tex86 (Jun 4, 2017)

Me: I need to go and measure the yard.
Her: You already know what the square footage is in both yards.. 
Me: Have you seen the tape measure? 
Her: Why do you need tha.. Your ridiculous.
Me: I'm still learning how to "eye" the height.. It's a guy thing you won't understand.. 
Her: You're right. I don't understand anything you say about the yard. Pre-E, Post-E, Milorganite, 1.0lb sq/ft.. All of that mumbo jumbo is so confusing.
Me: I didn't either, but that's why I visit TLF so much. **Measures Yard while neighbors are staring** Yup, it grew a quarter of an inch, gotta mow it!
Her: I'm having a hard time deciding who your mistress is.. the yard or the forum..
Me: you're not jealous are you, hon?
**Shuts door**

I'm still deciding if the neighbors were staring because I was using a tape measure, or measuring the yard wearing a suit? :lol:


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## pennstater2005 (Jul 17, 2017)

Her: Why did you spray that whole section of yard?
Me: Well, I wasn't planning on it but that whole section is crap.
Her: I thought it looked fine.
Me: It's too late now.
Her: I'm not watering that everyday.
Me: Please!!!


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## chrismar (May 25, 2017)

I've had so many of these exact conversations with my better half.

A favorite of mine happened one evening this past spring:

Her: Um, why are you raking snow?
Me: Because the forsythia is blooming, I need to get this pre-m down!
Her: :roll:

That's when she knows she's lost me until November.


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## ajmikola (Feb 18, 2017)

This is by far the best thread on this forum.


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## touchofgrass (Feb 17, 2017)

Ware said:


> Mightyquinn said:
> 
> 
> > Colonel K0rn said:
> ...


The kids are SUPPOSED to do chores... our kids are just butts... that being said, our boy's job is to pick up dog poop (pun intended) he just never does and MQ will stop mowing to go pick it up himself or yell for the boy to do it. HAHA


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## touchofgrass (Feb 17, 2017)

I notice MQ has graciously bowed out of talking about me in this forum. I give him a hard time too and funnily (<--made up word) enough, so do the kids now.

MQ: I really need to mow the lawn 
TOG (and Amanda): no you don't it looks fine 
MQ: no, I need to mow it. I haven't mowed in two days. 
Matthew: looks like you cut it wrong, dad. (*followed by some random stuff that made no sense)

I will say, that he got my best friend and I chatting about his 'making water wetter' experiment that he did and every time he mentions the 'wetting agent' the kids and I always say, oh the stuff that makes water wetter and now know exactly what that means


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## Topcat (Mar 21, 2017)

The start of a new year, and new conversations, I was at work and she called:

Her: Anthony, what is that huge pallet that the FedEx man dropped off?
Me: That is my new lawn mower
Her: Remind me once more, you have three already, why did you need another?
Me: This one is better that the others. The Toro is just for the backyard St Aug grass
Her: They all cut grass, right? 
Me: Yes
Her: And you wanted a new one why?
Me: You see... the Trucut is not as...
Her: Nevermind - you have issues
:lol: :lol: :smile:


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## Topcat (Mar 21, 2017)

Gotta love her. Today's conversation

She pulled up from work and the lawn was covered in sand, no green visible at all

Her: Umm, sand belongs on the beach

Me: this makes the lawn nice and flat so when I cut it...

Her: What are you going to do with all this extra sand

Me: I will take it to the back and level the backyard, and there is a guy I know that can use some.

Her: You should keep enough in the backyard so when you have a stroke I have enough to bury you.

I love my wife!

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## bigmks (May 22, 2018)

This sound exactly like my wife haha. why does it always have to be something with the yard is her favourite question? One day while eating dinner she said in her Pete Denny's voice. Hey kids this is dad Im going to teach you about insecticide, fungicide and herbicides. I almost choked while eating dinner.


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