# My Wife Wants to Kill Me



## jrubb42 (Jun 20, 2019)

Last summer, we moved into our forever home. The perfect house for our growing family. When we moved in I knew nothing about lawn care. Mow high, that was about it. The house already had a decent lawn. Front yard was doing very well, backyard had a mole issue and also some quackgrass (which I had no idea that it was the devil), but overall it was still in good shape. I did basically zero maintenance other than mowing every week or so.

We would take walks around the neighborhood with our 1 year old and dog and I would see some pretty nice lawns. Even a few that would make me stop and say wow. How is that grass almost perfect?

Winter came and I was bored. After reminiscing on some of the lawns I had seen in the summer and fall, I started doing research on how to get a "perfect lawn". I can easily have the best lawn in the neighborhood with the start I already have. It can't be that tough! I watched video after video. Read thread after thread. My brain was sucking up information like a toddler.

A few months later, spring hits. It's go time. I went out and bought a spreader, sprayer, weed killers, edger, leaf blower, 20 bags of milorganite, fungicides, iron, the list goes on and on. I'm spending every free minute I can to do stuff around the yard (which is only like an hour a day if I'm lucky because of work and the kid). Package after package is coming in the mail from Amazon. I tell her I'm going to buy a battery powered sprayer because I can't get even coverage with this stupid little 2 gallon pump sprayer. And then I got hit with the question... "How much are you spending on all of this? This is getting ridiculous!"

Well.. Shit.

Now to the point, my wife thinks that how I'm going about lawn care is stupid as hell. "Who cares what the grass looks like?" "We're not spending any more money on it". Even starts to turn into mini arguments. I tell her I don't have a hunting hobby, fishing hobby, or any hobbies like a ton of other husbands have, so to let me have mine. Nope. She's not having it. I even tried to go the route of telling her that it is improving our homes value (she don't care it's our forever home).

Anyone else in this position? If so, how do you cope? What are some of the reasons you throw back at them as to why you do what you do? I feel like I can't turn back now. I just started. Even if I just dialed it back to half of what I do now, I'll just sit and shake my head at what the lawn could really be if I could do what I wanted to it.

I can't be the only one here in this position. Help a Rookie Lawn Nut out.....please.


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## CPA Nerd (May 8, 2018)

Compromise. The answer lies somewhere between you "spending every free minute" on the yard and your wife's "who cares what the grass looks like; we're not spending any more money on it."

If you guys can't come to a compromise, find a new wife or a new hobby because it'll just continue to be a point of contention.


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## Kmartel (Feb 12, 2019)

Ignore her or get a new wife..... if lawns is your only hobby she should consider herself lucky.


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## kstall (May 10, 2019)

I like to offset my lawn expenditures by insisting my wife buy herself something. And if she doesnt take the hint I just order something I think she would look good in 
But you could have a drinking or gambling problem....life could be so much worse than having a lawn addiction


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## CPA Nerd (May 8, 2018)

My first response was the mature response.

Here are other options:

1. Tell her that since she is concerned about money, she should buy less things for herself to offset your lawn care cost. I'm a finance nerd, so I keep a household budget. If you overspend in one category, you have to make it up in another. In this case, hers! Feel free to give her a dollar amount by which she should reduce her spending, so that she has a quantifiable goal to strive toward. She'll appreciate this!

2. Give in and do what she says. After all, she has the you know what, she makes the rules.

3. Don't give in; ignore her. Let her be upset.

4. Get a new wife.


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## pennstater2005 (Jul 17, 2017)

Without reading this post so does mine.


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## Alex1389 (May 23, 2018)

pennstater2005 said:


> Without reading this post so does mine.


 :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Miller_Low_Life (Apr 12, 2017)

This is why I lie about the cost.


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## W8INLINE (May 27, 2018)

Next time she wants to do her hair take her to a barber and tell her "WE ARE NOT spending more than $10 for your hair"


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## CPA Nerd (May 8, 2018)

W8INLINE said:


> Next time she wants to do her hair take her to a barber and tell her "WE ARE NOT spending more than $10 for your hair"


Depending on where you live, I suggest the ole $6.99 Great Clips coupon if you can find one.


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## kstall (May 10, 2019)

W8INLINE said:


> Next time she wants to do her hair take her to a barber and tell her "WE ARE NOT spending more than $10 for your hair"


that or tell her to just go to wal mart and find the cheapest hair color they have and you will be glad to do it for her. I mean it is cheaper to do it yourself than to pay a professional right?


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## Stuofsci02 (Sep 9, 2018)

Kmartel said:


> Ignore her or get a new wife..... if lawns is your only hobby she should consider herself lucky.


+1


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## ABC123 (Jul 14, 2017)

I'm sorry to hear it. It happens to the best of us at times. If you can do a monthly budget and actually show how much things and ideas cost to try to get her on board.

Explaining things on paper and a plan of action is worth a lot. Eventually things will settle down but in the mean time try to get her to help with just trimming? Mine enjoyed to use the power rotary scissors. It's those little moments that are more than a walk around the block. Maybe she wants to help but doesn't know how to ask?


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## adgattoni (Oct 3, 2017)

CPA Nerd said:


> W8INLINE said:
> 
> 
> > Next time she wants to do her hair take her to a barber and tell her "WE ARE NOT spending more than $10 for your hair"
> ...


I've started to cut my own hair so I have more $$ to spend on lawncare. It's a great plan.

To OP: the way my wife and I handle "hobby expenses" is to set aside a set amount of money for each of us to spend on our respective wants. For me, basically all lawn stuff at the moment. This ensures we each get equal amounts for our hobbies, and it ensures we don't spend too much on hobbies in total.


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## W8INLINE (May 27, 2018)

I got a better idea... withhold sex. That will teach her


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## CPA Nerd (May 8, 2018)

W8INLINE said:


> I got a better idea... withhold sex. That will teach her


Give it a shot. Last time I did that she didn't even know I was doing it.


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## g-man (Jun 15, 2017)

Two words: Jimmy Choo

On a more serious advice:
First year expense can be high because all the equipment. Dial it back a bit and establish a budget that you both agree. Start getting quotes for lawn treatments. Get full quotes (fertilizer, aeration, the works). It should come at around $100. Then use that to say that you can do it for $50/month. Stick to the budget and she should be happy of the savings.


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## MMoore (Aug 8, 2018)

so many lols.

basically op... you blew the budget year 1. happens. most of those things you wont have to buy again.

spend time with your wife. grass will keep growing regardless. don't try to justify what your doing price wise as a comparison to having it done by a pro because grass will still grow without fancy treatments and all that stuff if you just want something green.

be satisfied with what you can do while maintaining a healthy balance. communication is key.


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## ryeguy (Sep 28, 2017)

A lot of your expenses are one time equipment fees that you won't have to pay again unless stuff breaks. Make sure she understands this. What she's seen so far is not typical.

You're using milo, which is pretty expensive as far as fertilizers go. You could try finding a feed store, a farm supply, or landscaping store to get more fertilizer for your buck. Just some generic slow release fertilizer will be probably a fifth of the price or cheaper.

Lastly, this probably isn't the type of advice you were asking for, but on the off chance it could be useful: consider making an agreement where you each get to set aside a certain amount of money per month to do whatever you want with..an allowance of sorts. You can spend it on whatever lawncare stuff you want, and she can buy her 23rd purse or 48th pair of shoes and neither of you can be mad at each other because this is already budgeted for. My wife and I do this and neither of us has to care what personal items the other buys. It eliminates a whole class of fights.

PS: Your wife may change her tune once compliments from the neighbors start rolling in.


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## CenlaLowell (Apr 21, 2017)

Miller_Low_Life said:


> This is why I lie about the cost.


+1 this is the answer


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## jha4aamu (Oct 16, 2017)

sounds like its time to master the art of lying! that new sprayer was only $10, your buddy gave you that new blower, etc. Also, having your new purchases shipped to you at work is key. if she never sees the packages she wont know you are buying anything!

i also love my wife very much...just in case she is reading this!


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## Green (Dec 24, 2017)

The big problem here, is that we're conditioned early on to believe that grass just grows itself. It does, but by no means in a way that would look good and work well.

The other issue is capital outlay and how it's divided up over time. If you're starting a lawn care business, you're not going to go out and buy every piece of equipment all in the first year...your business would not be able to support it initially. Or any type of business with respect to the equipment purchases. You might start with just a mower, and only mow (not even offer edging services). Granted, you'd also need a trimmer and blower if you wanted to be taken seriously and not considered sloppy. But you probably wouldn't buy a spreader and all sorts of fertilizing equipment at the same time, and start offering fertilizing and spraying services. But as your business grows, you add pieces of equipment.

The problem with DIY is that there's no true direct financial return on it. We're not getting paid to do it. The best we can do is use what it would cost to pay someone as the benchmark, and keep the costs of equipment and supplies to, say, half of what it would cost for hiring out mowing and fertilizing per year.

I suppose that learning as much as possible about fixing the equipment you own can be helpful, too, to keep repair costs down. Eventually, a lawn mower will need service. Problem there is the time investment it takes to become a competent mechanic...it's got its own learning curve. I'd eventually like to learn how to fix mowers, but it's not a priority. But if I do eventually, it'll save time and cost, at least for minor repairs...depending on what skill level you get to with it.

There are always ways to cut down on either time or money spent...but unfortunately, when one decreases, the other tends to increase, especially if you're doing a big project.

I'm worried that you're not going to get the recognition that you deserve for that time/effort and money spent when the results start showing. It takes a large effort initially to get things going (and sometimes later on, for example a renovation). But your family may not realize that this is legit gardening, and the results are because of the time and effort, not just because you mow at least once a week and everything else is extra time or unnecessary expense that doesn't add to the final result.

Just explain that your minimum standard is that of a top-notch, 5-star resort, and you're willing to do what it takes, within reason, to achieve that, but you're in the learning process and learning takes a bit more time and effort initially. And as far as equipment, you needed some basics to be able to do stuff.

The other issue is that people are conditioned to view fertilizer as unnecessary...like a magic potion that costs a lot, is bad for the environment, and magically makes the grass look good but has no other benefits. You need to make sure that biased beliefs like these are not at the root of your conflicts.

I'm early 30s and am not married. In the past though, I almost married a girl whose family was in landscaping. Even she criticized my time spent on the this stuff (and a whole lot of other things...that's another story, lol). But seriously, I'm hoping that whoever I end up with eventually will respect my hobby, because I had the hobby first...lol! I'm taking time now to develop my interests and hobbies, at least a few solid ones. That way, no one can argue I just went nuts and started buying stuff on some new kick, lol. I think it's also a good time to think about ideas for future inventions, etc.


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## Harts (May 14, 2018)

First, you are by no means alone.

Second, many others have nailed it - first year budget is ALWAYS significantly higher. You will spend less money in subsequent years.

Consider this: Decide how much time and money you really want to spend on lawn care. I know it's new to you and exciting. It was to me last Spring. But then I realized how much money I was actually spending in a short period of time and that's when it hit me - how much do you really NEED to invest in this? Do you really need kelp and humic? Do you really need PGR and RGS? Do you really need every herbicide available on the market? If the answer is yes, then you need to find a way to compromise with her.

I'm not one to give marital advice. Your relationship is none of my business. But how important is your family? Do you really want to jeopardize your family over grass?

I would find away to dial back the spending. Trust me...no amount of explaining why you need everything you bought is going to convince her.

I do agree with one of your points - I too do not have any other hobbies. I don't hunt or fish. I don't go out with my buddies to a bar 2-3 times a week. I'm home. When my kids go to bed, I am outside for an hour or so. If she or the kids need me, I'm not far away. Luckily my wife understands that - to a point. But I am also not one to get into an argument over grass. As much as I love it and as addicted as I am to maintaining it, my family always comes first.


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## Darrell_KC (Mar 20, 2019)

CPA Nerd said:


> W8INLINE said:
> 
> 
> > I got a better idea... withhold sex. That will teach her
> ...


That happens to me whether or not I'm actually doing it...


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## Darrell_KC (Mar 20, 2019)

Going with a legit answer...

My wife and I do a set budget. We take all of the house bills and total them together. Add everything together, and split it, 50/50. We then transfer money from each of our accounts to pay for those bills. Once the bills are paid, any leftover money is returned to us.

For instance, if my check is 500 bucks, and my share of the monthly bills is 200, then I transfer myself 300. That money is mine, and I can spend it however I see fit. If i blow my money, im SOL. Same goes for her.

As for what to tell your wife, make no apologies for something that makes you happy. Most of your expenses are one time deals, but stuff like milo/fert and weed chems are never ending stories. I do feel your pain though. It took a decent amount of negotiating and me proving to her that i could grow grass before she allowed me to glyphosate my front and back yard so I can plant bermuda. I had to show lots of pictures of what i was doing, and get grass growing in the backyard so she could see it before she finally said to go for it. All of that is out of my own budget and a bonus i received at work.


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## massgrass (Aug 17, 2017)

I work from home, so I wait until my wife is elsewhere whenever I need to do something around the house that I don't want her to know about. Currently, I'm hoping she'll go to the beach for the day so that I can wash and wax my car without getting my chops busted about it.

I also try to buy stuff cheap whenever I can. I can already hear the Walmart clearance sales calling my name!


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## NJ-lawn (Jun 25, 2018)

You got to start a slush fund my friend. I been putting a little money away for my hobbies for years.

If she notices something new, just say " oh that.....I've had that for awhile now". My wife even uses that one on me sometimes. And always lie about how much stuff cost.


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## FuzzeWuzze (Aug 25, 2017)

My wife never hated or questioned it, but also didnt understand why I bothered or if it really mattered. I mean we had green grass when we moved in...

Until every Facebook/Insta gram post of the kids playing outside is full of "Wow look at your grass" comments and random people walking down the street compliment her on it when shes outside with the kids and im at work.

The thing is my yard looks good yes(not great), but "extreme" lawn care just isnt really a thing out here. People go mow their lawn full of weeds to the ground every few weeks, maybe spray a bottle of premix weed killer once a season and call it a day which is fine. I think living here and having green grass pretty much all year due to our weather may play a factor into the general "meh" lawn culture here i dont know.

Seems like the Midwest/South have a much more pronounced high level lawn care culture in general.


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## Shindoman (Apr 22, 2018)

But if you've already bought all this stuff, you should be set for this year and have a good base of equipment. Now just do the work, make your lawn awesome. Then next year after things cool down over this and she realizes the lawn looks great, you can replenish with a more subtle plan.


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## Thenenk (Sep 14, 2018)

I'd say maybe admit you went a little hard into your new hobby, and find a way to incrementally add on to your gear if needed, she may come around when your lawn is dominating the hood!

But of course lawns don't keep us warm at night, make sure you spend some of your energy on avoiding domestic turbulence.

Also +1 for the budgeting it takes care of most fights about money.


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## W8INLINE (May 27, 2018)

I am starting to cut the grass at a lower speed this year. I do an acre in about 3-4 hours, and I cut twice a week. Wife starts to notice, and is asking why we are not spending as much time, go for our evening walks yada yada...

I kinda jammed the door knobs in a couple of the bathrooms to give us a reason to go shoping together. So Friday we are going by home depot to "buy new doorknobs" and while there we'll "accidentally" come across a zero turn, and explain to her how "if only I had this I would be able to cut the grass in less than an hour....imagine all that extra time...."

My aproach to this issue is to get her to suggest that I need it.

I'll keep you guys posted


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## jrubb42 (Jun 20, 2019)

Wow. Never thought I'd get this many laughs and great advice at the same time. : :lol: :lol:

I can't reply to all of you, but I think I have a pretty solid plan going forward. Mostly funny, but seriously contemplating. Here they are in order:

1. Compromise (99.3% chance of failure)

2. Buy her things to compensate

3. Set up an allowance program. (Dreading this).

4. Send products to my job (great idea!). Do work when she is not home. Play hookie from my "freelance" jobs during the day. What mama don't know won't hurt her.

5. Lie about price/where I get equipment. I like it. Kind of do it subtly already.

6. Tell her she's lucky that this is my hobby and I could be out spending money on a billion other bad habits. (Probably ends in a fight)

7. Find a new wife or spend the rest of my life with grass and dog.

8. Shut down sex.

In all seriousness, thank you everyone for all of the 100% real laughs out loud and the serious advice.

After rereading my original post, I kind of cringed. I know where she's coming from and I get it. When I do something it's either all or nothing. Nothing in between and I know it probably caught her off guard. My plan is to make her understand there are a lot of one time costs that out of the way now and spread out my spending going forward...or at least try.

This forum is awesome and I didn't expect all of the great replies. I appreciate them all. Thank you!


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## Babaganoosh (Apr 21, 2019)

Stuofsci02 said:


> Kmartel said:
> 
> 
> > Ignore her or get a new wife..... if lawns is your only hobby she should consider herself lucky.
> ...


+2

Wanna know why women learn to be nags? Because it works. Weak minded men constantly give in because they don't want to hear it anymore. Then they think they are in the clear. Nope. The nagging moves to the next thing in life.

I suggest squashing the nagging immediately. Tell her to knock it off and you aren't going to hear it anymore. Don't argue just tell her to knock it off.

If your family actually can't afford the lawn care stuff I get it, but if not it's just nagging. Shut it down. Suggest she get a hobby. Definitely don't neglect your kid though.


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## JDgreen18 (Jun 14, 2018)

When I read stuff like this I feel like I have the best wife in the world. She has always been supportive of all my hobbies.(guns, motorcycles etc) Now we are in a different situation financially as we both work,, make good money, and dont have kids. We have been married 25 years and we never fight about anything.
This doesnt help you though lol. Anyway take a look at your financial situation. If you have lots of bills then you need to cut it back, catch up on them and then spend more on the lawn. There is always a give in take with life in general and you know what they say "A happy wife is a happy life"


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## Virginiagal (Apr 24, 2017)

Your message is: Home is important to me, because you and our child are so important to me. And I want our home to be a beautiful place to bring us both joy. It is OUR space in the world.

I suggest seeing if you can make it a joint effort. Maybe she might be interested in planning and tending a flower bed. Or a small vegetable bed. The answer to the question of what women want is they want to be needed.


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## Babaganoosh (Apr 21, 2019)

JDgreen18 said:


> When I read stuff like this I feel like I have the best wife in the world. She has always been supportive of all my hobbies.(guns, motorcycles etc) Now we are in a different situation financially as we both work,, make good money, and dont have kids. We have been married 25 years and we never fight about anything.
> This doesnt help you though lol. Anyway take a look at your financial situation. If you have lots of bills then you need to cut it back, catch up on them and then spend more on the lawn. There is always a give in take with life in general and you know what they say "A happy wife is a happy life"


The happy wife happy wife thing is a terrible mindset. I absolutely hate hearing that. It's essentially saying that the woman in the relationship is more important and everyone needs to attend to her needs and everyone else is less important. If she's not happy everyone else suffers. That's an abusive relationship.

I have a gf similar to your wife. I also shoot guns, ride a motorcycle, etc. She never bugs me about it.. Says go have fun. It took a lot of kicking chicks to the curb to find her.


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## dad311 (May 8, 2019)

Get a Truegreen quote, then show the wife how much she is saving by having you work do all the work. Women understand the value of savings.


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## jrubb42 (Jun 20, 2019)

To everyone asking about money. We are pretty financially set as of now. Money should not be an issue. She just thinks I'm "wasting it". We're in our early 30s and her goal is for us to retire early. That's what makes this even more difficult for me.

As for time spent with her and my kid. They definitely come first. I don't do anything in the yard while the kid is awake. That's why I maybe get an hour in the yard if I'm lucky.

Reason one: He'll want to help with everything Daddy is doing. Mow, edge, weed whip, etc. Definitely not old enough.

Reason two: I don't want him running through the yard with chemicals on the ground until they're either watered in and/or dry.

Again, thanks for all of the advice from everyone who replied! I'll definitely use some of the wisdom you've all shared!


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